Dearest Father,
I thought that we had established a "don't ask, don't tell" policy in regards to what you do with my children while baby-sitting. Going forward, I am going to have to ask you to refrain from sending picture to my cell phone while you are baby-sitting. I would rather hear about the events after the fact, rather than seeing updates as things unfold.
Quite frankly, pictures like this freak me the fuck out. Apparently you've taken my kids to the Lord of the Flies island and Ian has emerged as the leader of the pack of unruly, self-governing boys. And what's on his face?
Oh, it's clown paint? Why does he have clown paint on his face?
Oh, because he thought that would be cool. 
How exactly does this happen?
You just happen to have a full clown costume, wig, and face paint at your house? Of course you do.
So logically, you dressed my child as John Wayne Gacy? Of course you did.
But it gets even better! Here's the part where you taught the kids to play with fire!
Oh, but you taught them to play fire in a responsible manner!
If anyone should
NEVER be taught how to build a fire, it's Ian. I will; however, congratulate you on getting him to eat a hot dog. That is truly shocking and a feat that I've never been able to accomplish.
I actually love this picture. Ian is doing a goofy dance while perched on a rock. But I suspect that this resulted in you asking him if he was a homosexual when he was done dancing.
Because of course, you think that only gay men dance. Thank you for taking good care of our kids while Tony and I went to dinner and say a movie. I very much appreciate it!
Regards,
Your daughter - Michelle
*Seriously - the kids had a great time and were well cared for the entire time*
You are looking at the main attraction at the petting zoo. This poor little calf looked miserable. The only other members of the petting zoo were 4 small rabbits cramped in a cage together.
The kids liked the hot dog roast and sitting on seats made of allergens while they enjoyed their food.
Pumpkins!
My god, Ian really needs a haircut! Or some hair product to control that mess. Or a headband.
Our first dinner out while on vacation. Ian has taken to posing as either Dr. Evil (as seen here) or as Jeff Hardy (the professional wrestler) when I take his picture. I must prefer the former over the latter. He had a hot dog for dinner.
Unfortunately, my mom developed a shellfish allergy a couple of years ago and this prevented her from eating anything worth a damn while we were away. She and Steve opted for pizza.
Check out Tony's awesome shirt.
Here's my dinner. It was awful. I ordered breaded scallops and shrimp. The scallops were slimy. The shrimp was on the level of Red Lobster, but not as good.
Connor had hot wings.
Tony and his pretty shirt had a steak, onion rings, mashed potatoes, and grilled veggies.
Everything was all well and fine... Ian was having fun taking pictures.
Quite frankly, pictures like this freak me the fuck out. Apparently you've taken my kids to the Lord of the Flies island and Ian has emerged as the leader of the pack of unruly, self-governing boys. And what's on his face? Oh, it's clown paint? Why does he have clown paint on his face? Oh, because he thought that would be cool. 
How exactly does this happen? You just happen to have a full clown costume, wig, and face paint at your house? Of course you do. So logically, you dressed my child as John Wayne Gacy? Of course you did.
But it gets even better! Here's the part where you taught the kids to play with fire! Oh, but you taught them to play fire in a responsible manner!
If anyone should NEVER be taught how to build a fire, it's Ian. I will; however, congratulate you on getting him to eat a hot dog. That is truly shocking and a feat that I've never been able to accomplish.
I actually love this picture. Ian is doing a goofy dance while perched on a rock. But I suspect that this resulted in you asking him if he was a homosexual when he was done dancing. Because of course, you think that only gay men dance. 
